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15 September 2013   Comments Off on ‘I wanted out’: Prison Break’s Wentworth Miller reveals how hiding his sexuality led to multiple suicide attempts… starting at just 15

Wentworth Miller has revealed he tried to commit suicide at 15-years-old as he struggled to keep his homosexuality a secret.

The 41-year-old actor made the shocking revelations during a speech at the Human Rights Campaign Dinner in Seattle on Saturday night.

He added that his first attempt to kill himself was ‘the first time’ among multiple occasions.

‘Every day was a test and there was a 1000 ways to fail,’ the Prison Break actor told the hushed audience in a video obtained by TMZ.

‘A 1000 ways to betray yourself. to not come up to someone else’s standard as to what was acceptable and what was normal.

‘And when you fail the test, which was guaranteed, there was a price to pay. Emotional, psychological. physical. And like many of you I paid that price.

‘The first time I tried to kill myself, I was 15,’ he added. ‘I waited until my family went away for the weekend. I was alone in the house and I swallowed a bottle of pills.

‘I don’t remember what happened over the next couple of days, but I’m pretty sure come Monday morning, I was on the bus back to school pretending everything was fine.’

The actor sadly revealed his act was not a cry for help.

‘You only cry for help if you believe there is help to cry for,’ he said. ‘And I didn’t need it, I wanted out… at 15.’

Wentworth announced he was gay last month while taking a stand against homophobia in Russia.

The Prison Break star declined an invitation to the St Petersburg International Film Festival. Russian film festival after the country passed a series of anti-gay laws.

‘As a gay man, I must decline,’ he wrote in his reply, which was made public by the campaigning group GLAAD. ‘I am deeply troubled by the current attitude toward and treatment of gay men and women by the Russian government.’

Saturday’s speech also saw Wentworth discuss why he was reluctant to discuss his sexuality during Prison Break’s four year run.

‘In that time, I gave thousands of interviews,’ he told the audience. ‘I had multiple opportunities to speak my truth which is that I was gay.

‘But I chose not to. I was out to family and friends and people I learned to trust but publicly I was not.

‘I chose to lie – when I thought about the possibility of coming out, how that might impact me and the career I worked so hard for, I was filled with fear. Fear and stubborn resistance that had built up over many years.

‘When I thought about kids out there who might be moved or inspired by me taking a stand or speaking my truth, my mental response was consistently, no thank you.’

Wentworth even revealed his struggle was such that he considered quitting acting, two years after the end of Prison Break.

However, he admitted a ‘nagging voice’ over the ‘persecution of my brothers and sisters in Russia’ inspired him to come out as a gay man through his open letter last month.

‘I thought let me be to someone else, what no one was to me,’ he revealed.

In his letter, Wentworth said the situation in Russia is ‘in no way acceptable.’

He added: ‘I cannot in good conscience participate in a celebratory occasion hosted by a country where people like myself are being systematically denied their basic right to live and love openly,’ he said.

Wentworth said if circumstances improved he would be free to make a different choice – adding that he had ‘a degree of Russian ancestry’ and had enjoyed past visits to the country previously.

The actor was immediately praised by gay rights advocates.

‘Wentworth’s bold show of support sends a powerful message to LGBT Russians, who are facing extreme violence and persecution: you are not alone,’ said GLAAD spokesperson Wilson Cruz in reference to the country’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.

‘As people from across the globe continue to speak out against Russia’s horrific law, more celebrities and corporations should follow his courageous lead in openly condemning Russia’s anti-LGBT law,’ he added.

Russian President Vladimir Putin in July signed a law banning the adoption of Russian-born children by gay couples.

Putin in June signed another bill that classified ‘homosexual propaganda’ as pornography and provides for fines and arrest for those making it accessible to minors.

A law passed in 2012 also banned public gay pride events in Moscow for the next 100 years.

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